Thursday, March 21, 2013

Feeling Married


Every year as my birthday approached, I would be so excited to be another year older. I anticipated greatly that day when I would finally be a teenager or sixteen or eighteen, always expecting that something would change. "I will be so cool once I turn thirteen! I will feel so grown up." "I am going to be so mature once I am 16. I can't wait!" And every year when the question came, "Do you feel different now that you are sixteen?" but the answer was always no. Sure, I would feel excited that it was my birthday and you cannot help but feel a bit different at your own birthday party when people are there to celebrate the face that you are older. A few years I even felt a greater responsibility to be mature and responsible, but the day comes and goes, and in the end, I have never felt different, just like myself with a different age.
A similar phenomenon occurred when I got married. 

Prior to getting married, my mindset was that after the wedding marriage would come naturally. I would somehow feel different. Communication would not be so hard for me. Fear would not be present. I would be absolutely at ease because the decision had been made and I had no need to wonder about who I would marry anymore. I would feel married. 

Despite my ideas, however, getting married turned out to be more like a birthday. The wedding was wonderful, and I did feel a greater responsibility to be mature and responsible in this new endeavor. And with three hundred people at the wedding to celebrate the beginning of our marriage I could not help but feel a bit different. Nevertheless, when the festivities were all over and tomorrow came, I felt surprisingly...normal. 

After the wedding, I did not suddenly become an excellent communicator (as evidenced by some of my struggles on the honeymoon). My fears did not go away, they were simply changed (Love and Fear). And the combination of those factors, plus several more, I was not completely at ease. In fact, even the wondering who I was going to marry did not go away as automatically as I thought it would because I did not feel married. Instead of marriage coming naturally right from the start, I had to remind myself that I was married every so often because I still felt single. 

After the wedding, it seemed that there had not been a change. We had a piece of paper saying that we were legally married in the eyes of the law, we trusted that we were properly married before God, and we could honorably live together, but none of it felt. I did not suddenly learn how to solve world hunger, how to cure cancer, or even how to be a wife. There was no visible change, and I certainly did not feel any different. 

But as I consider marriage in light of its similarity with our walk with God (An Introduction), I am reminded that the wedding, as with salvation, does not often come with visible change, only a promise and hope. The promise that my husband and I made before God to be committed to each other regardless of circumstances. The hope that God, who has ordained this marriage, will take it and make it into something beautiful and will transform us in the process. 

I was not suddenly changed into a more godly, more patient, more courageous woman because I got married. Yet while getting married did not transform me, I am confident that as God works in my life and in my marriage, being married will. 

9 comments:

  1. As I read this post, I realized that marriage has surely changed me. It is exactly in the same manner that God changes me - day by day, from glory to glory. Loved that insight. Thank you for sharing this. I visited from Thought Provoking Thursday & am glad that I did :)

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    1. It is neat to see how God changes us day by day, from glory to glory, as you said. (I love that verse!) And it is amazing to see how he uses marriage to grow us (even in my short six months!). Thanks for stopping by jviola79!

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  2. Yes, getting married doesn't change us, but being married sure does--especially when you've been married as long as I have, Maurie! :) But I love what you are "fleshing out" here. I think there are many people who think, "If only I was/had ..." and find that getting that altered reality didn't change a thing. I'm so glad we serve a God who helps to transform us into who we need to be, all the while, accepting us where we are. Only He can make that true difference in our lives.

    Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post, sweet friend, and for linking it up at Wedded Wed too!

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    1. Amen! God is faithful. It is so easy to think that things will change because a circumstance changes, but who we are can only be changed by the grace of God. In time, He transforms us into His likeness.

      Thanks for stopping by and hosting the link up! :)

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  3. Great post! Its so beautifully, honestly written. I didn't feel changed right after being married but now, being married so long, I've changed. Change occurs slowly, sometimes so slowly you don't realize its happened.

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    1. Thanks Ruthie! That is so true, it often takes time to notice change. It generally is not spontaneous, but that simply makes it that much more amazing when we look back and see how God has used our circumstances to transform us into His image.

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  4. Lovely words, and a great message for everyone who is newly married, engaged, or even yet to meet their spouse. Heck, even for those of married for a while. It's a great reminder that marriage isn't an event. It's a journey and a process. God is certainly working wonders in your heart.

    New reader here :) Found you at Thought Provoking Thursdays :)

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    1. Thank you, April! I love your statement, "[marriage] is a journey and a process." So true. I think that fairytales and movies often lead us to believe that the wedding is the end goal, but that could not be further from the truth. It is instead the beginning of a journey with its own ups and downs, triumphs and struggles.

      Thanks for stopping by, April :)

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  5. Hi Maurie,
    Great post. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I agree with you that change was gradual for both me and my hubby. I'm glad that we have God as our anchor as we go through the changes. Visiting from Home Educator Mom. Thank you for linking up! Have a blessed week!

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