Tuesday, May 28, 2013
My husband and I went to Portland last week (hence my absence). We had a spectacular time visiting with his grandparent, and had quite a time riding buses throughout the city to check out some of the amazing coffee shops that Portland offers. It was great to see family and spend time together, not to mention the break from the busy-ness of everyday life!
We rode the 700 miles to and from Portland (rain and all) on my husband's motorcycle (a 750 Honda Shadow, for those interested), so I think that makes us pretty hard core. It was a blast, although cold and rainy and windy and painful at times :) What I learned on that motorcycle trip is that it could perhaps be possible that I may be somewhat amazing on occasion. Let me elaborate:
On our way back from Portland, as we were nearing the end of our day, we stopped to fuel up the bike. The weather was cold, and rainy, and I was not feeling super attractive in my five layers and motorcycle pants (which I do not think would look good on anyone). Marshmallow-like would better describe how I was feeling about myself at that moment. Nevertheless, we are riding a motorcycle and layers (as well as motorcycle pants) must be worn for warmth as well as safety, so I was wearing them.
As my husband filled up the gas tank on the motorcycle, I surveyed the gas station and the others fueling up their cars, when I spotted a woman walking across the gas station from the convenient store to her car. And, well, she was rather beautiful. And the outfit she was wearing? Not necessarily immodest, but certainly really attractive. Immediately, I look at my husband to make sure he did not see her. Because, well, I am looking kind of like a marshmallow right now and if he sees her, he might like her better than me. Maybe it was not the most logical train of thought (he did marry me after all), but it was what went through my mind.
Before too long, the bike was done fueling up and we hopped back on the motorcycle for our last hundred miles. As we sped down the freeway, I took up thinking (there is not much else to do on the back of a motorcycle). Thinking about the girl who was more attractive than me (at least at that moment), wondering why I could not look that good while riding a motorcycle. Then a thought struck me: I am the one riding on the back of this man's motorcycle, not her. Profound, I know. But the realization came that, sure, she probably did look better than me at that gas station, but you know what? She was not riding a motorcycle. She was probably really attractive and just as her husband/boyfriend wanted her to be at that moment, but I was the one being amazing to my husband. At that moment, my husband was not wanting me to be super attractive (although I am certain that he would say that I am always beautiful); he was wanting me to ride on the motorcycle with him.
My husband often tells me that I am amazing. The amount of times that I believe him is pretty small. I suppose that in my mind amazing means attractive, sweet, clean house, delicious food, super cute clothes, awesome looking hair, and things like that. What I realized that day as we were motorcycling home, was that to my husband, I was amazing simply because I was up for doing crazy things like riding a motorcycle through the rain, for being smart and willing to not wear cute clothes so that I could be safe and warm instead. Being amazing is more about loving him and hanging out and being up for anything than it is wearing cute clothes. I am amazing to my husband because I am me.
What a thought that is. Someone loves me just for who I am? Mind-bending. Really, however, my husband is one of two (or more, as I am certain that my parents love me that way as well). God does not ask for performance or cuteness or gourmet food as a prerequisite for love, or even to think of me fondly. He created me exactly how I am and loves me. Me specifically. How crazy is that? Certainly He desires to see me grow (as does my husband), but that does not detract from how amazing He sees me as.
"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."