Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Divided Interests


"The unmarried woman is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband."

1 Corinthians 7:34

Before I was married, I would read that verse and get quite frustrated with Paul for dissing marriage. I am a girl, I would think to myself, Girls are not allowed to be pastors, and I would be much more productive as a missionary if I had a husband. I can serve God just as well married as I can single; probably even better. I did not understand. Paul is not necessarily saying that single people can serve God better than those who are married (although there is that vibe, and those who are single do have a unique opportunity that those who are married do not.) Paul is simply pointing out a simple fact of marriage. We now have (necessarily) divided interests. 

While I was still single and did not have any cares in the world, or at least, no husband to care for, my relationship with God was very spontaneous and time consuming. I spent time in the Scriptures and prayed when I was lonely or depressed or afraid or conflicted. I looked at the world as God's gift to me specifically. When the trees blossomed in the spring I viewed it as God giving me flowers. When the leaves changed color in the fall, I could not help but know that God did that just for me, because I love it so much. Every so often, I would go out to coffee or to the park with the sole purpose of spending time and hanging out with Jesus.

When I got married, things changed. While I still schedule time with God and in His word each morning, the spontaneous prayer walks, the afternoons at the park, and the hours spend poring over the Psalms when I was depressed have largely disappeared. It is not that I no longer want to dedicate long hours to spending time with Christ or that I have replaced Jesus with my husband. Rather, it is because I have "divided interests." 

I would love to spend hours upon end each week studying the scriptures and going on long outings to pray. I would love to read through half of the book of Psalms as I cry my eyes out and ask God for some direction and peace. But I am no longer on my own. I have promised much of my life and affection and energy to a certain man who is my husband. Having a husband takes time, on top of which I also live with him. 

Bedtime is no longer a good time to cry and read the Bible and cry and pray for help and cry and read some more. Having your wife crying in bed with the light on so that she can read is not very conducive to sleep. Plus, my husband is certain to ask what is wrong and want to help make me feel better (which is great, by the way). The middle of the day is no longer a good time to go to a coffee shop or the park for serveral hours to read the Bible and journal and pray. I have work that needs to be done, a house that needs to be cleaned, and dinner that must be made before my husband needs to leave for work at 5:30.

My interests are divided. Christ is always the first and foremost in my life, however, He has called me to love and serve my husband. And so (even aside from the fact that I enjoy being with my husband and talking things over with him), the simple fact that Christ has commanded that I make my husband a priority in my life causes me to be "concerned about the things of the world, how [I] may please [my] husband."

Jesus must be the center, the foundation, and the most important thing in my life, and I must set aside time to simply be with Him. Nevertheless, I also must be faithful to what He has called me to by loving my husband, loving my children (when they come), being sensible and pure, working at home, being kind and submissive to my husband. Husbands take time (as does keeping a home moderately clean and food on the table!). And my time with God now needs to be more scheduled so as to make it a priority. It is not a bad thing, just different. 

I have grown so much in my walk with God since getting married just as a result of sorting through the differences of then and now, as well as the differences between me and my husband. I have been challenged in different ways to rely on God and TRUST Him. The "divided interests" difficulty is not necessarily bad, simply streching, and makes me treasure the time that I do have even more.

So, if you are single, I encourage you to take full advantage of this time! Learn to lean into Christ when you are struggling, take all of your fears and desires to Him, spend a few hours simply reading through His word. It is so beautiful and worth it to simply be with Him. If you are married, tell me what works for you to keep your relationship with God going strong amist your divided interests. I have found that getting up early so that I can schedule in time with God before the day begins works well for me. But I would love to hear your ideas--I am still pretty new at this whole "being married" thing.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1

6 comments:

  1. I think the verse you end on really encapsulates my thoughts on this, Maurie. There have been seasons in my marriage when making time to be with God really was a challenge and struggle. Not that I didn't want it, but as you say, my time was divided--even more so when kids came along. So with the different seasons, my time with God "looked" different. He certainly has used marriage to refine me and draw me closer to Him. I think He would do the same with singleness too ... again it would just look "different." Great thoughts, my friend! And love to see you in the line-up at Wedded Wed!

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  2. This is a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

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  3. "Learn to lean into Christ when you are struggling" - when you said that - it reminded me how I have learned to see Him walk beside me, to talk with Him, stand with Him - and have it be a continual thing - not a separate thing that divides but a come and go and sit and stand thing - because that is how I meet Him during the day - how I find time sometimes to be with Him - and at the same time with my husband; - not detracting from my husband but like you said, in the center of it all:) So much wonderful stuff in your post - good stuff!

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  4. Maurie, I absolutely LOVED this post! This is something that I really struggled to adjust to when Caleb and I first got married. I thought that I was somehow being less spiritual because I didn't have copious amounts of time to spend time alone with my Lord all the time. But I loved everything you said. You're right! I'm so thankful for this reminder that its okay that my time is spent differently now. It's necessary and the Lord has designed me to spend more time blessing my husband now. Like you said, Jesus is still to be our foundation and who we ultimately depend on for our needs, but it just looks different for a married than a single woman. Absolutely beautifully said.

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  5. Remmington does have a very wise bride! Well said. :)

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  6. You are right one how things change after marriage. But our walk with the Lord is and should always be our top priority. Getting up early worked for me, until we had kids, then the time changed day by day. I always tried to start the day with the Lord, but sometimes my bible time had to come later while the kids napped. Also, reading, praying and talking with Paul about my time helps also. I love that we can share what the Lord is showing us separately in His Word, and it can relate and confirm what we've read separately. I love how the Lord does that.

    Yes, we need our own time with the Lord, but our walk with the Lord is a relationship and we should be talking with Him throughout the day. Always make sure you have time in His Word, but remember, that's not all there is to growing in Him.

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